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Sunday, March 4, 2012

If I Were to Get a Tattoo

Okay, normally, I don't like the idea of tattoos. First and foremost, they're frowned upon by my religion, and secondly, I really don't have the body to pull one off.  I happen to lack muscle and tan-ness, and other such manly things.

Pictured: a person who could clearly take me in a fight

However, those things aside, there is a reason why I would consider getting a tattoo.  It's not a manly reason, and its definitely not a cool reason, but it is a pragmatic reason.  You see, I have often thought that it would be very useful if I were to tattoo my blood type, a list of medications I'm allergic to, a list of medications I'm currently taking, etc. somewhere that wouldn't be very noticeable to most people, but highly noticeable to a doctor.

If I ever were to end up in some terrible car wreck, or were to have a seizure and wind up unconscious, or were to tell my fiancé that I think she may have a gray hair, I might be somehow incapacitated and unable to explain to the doctor what had happened.

It turns out, the punishment for saying such things is a punch to the face.

The genius of this tattoo would be in its ability to quickly tell any doctor all the immediately relevant medical data.  He or she could begin pumping drugs into my body without needing to worry about whether or not this new injection would cause my brain to explode: they'd already know, thanks to the tattoo.

Considering how safe and docile a life I lead, however, the need for this medical information tattoo is relatively low.  I'm not in any extreme sports, I don't drive, I don't drink alcohol, I make sure to get plenty of sleep, and I eat healthy-ish.  I'm as fit as a boring, middle-class fiddle.

Pictured: yet another person who could clearly take me in a fight

4 comments:

  1. Oh, and for those who don't get the joke, Natalie is probably the most peaceful person I've ever met. There is no need to fear for my face and it's potential to get punched.

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  2. The Evil Twin CousinMarch 4, 2012 at 6:28 AM

    Two words: DO IT.

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  3. Edit:Typos

    This is a joy and a half. I busted out in laughter a few times while reading this.

    The current medication could be problematic. By the time you hit age 75 you'd have so many strike outs the list would end somewhere near your ankles. The tattoo is still a neat idea though. Maybe you could advance the medical bracelet idea and create a small subcutaneous WiFi transmitting chip, powered by your movement, called "Erick's Medical Info". Just like the free internet provided by small business it would hijack your browser. Then you could easily have the browser display all of your relevant medical info.

    But then you have to deal with the ethics of implanting your body with a foreign chip . . . is it really that much better than Ink?

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  4. But then you wouldn't be "graffiti-ing the temple" ... you'd just be adding file storage...

    (Katie)

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